Dealing with the Scars of Past Sin

When I was a teen, I was caught up in the "When God Writes Your Love Story," and "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" craze that swept through evangelical teenage female lives and graced many pink bedroom shelves. I believed would *never* fall prey to sexual sin - I would never even kiss a man before I married him. I was too strong. "True love waits," I thought, and I was sure I would wait. After all, I had The Truth. I knew what the Bible said. I was good at obedience. And yet, all of my strength, all of my reading, all of my preparation, all of the teaching I had received wasn't enough. Almost ten years ago, I met the man who would be my undoing. He flirted, cajoled, and flattered me until I gave in. When we broke up seven months later, I was used and broken, a virgin only in a technical sense.

The Lord blessed me with a period of blissful healing. I served Him faithfully. I felt that I had been forgiven much, and I loved much. I knew firsthand the Grace of God. I marveled at how quickly and completely I had healed from my sins and from an abusive relationship. But that is never the end. The guilt came back. Over and over and over again. Tonight, I read this blog post, and I was drawn by this  paragraph:

"Its true you will never restore your first purity. But I fear we may be giving this sin too much power. It is a sin. It is not an unforgivable sin.  When we accept it, truth is that the blood of lamb covers it, restores it, heals it and redeems it. That means we get a second chance. We get a new life. We get spiritual purification."

Why would I write this? Because it's raw. Because Christians have to be real with each other. Because church is not a place where we go when we're perfect. Because Christ came to carry our sin. Because I'm relatively good at looking like I have it all together, and I don't. Because there are girls out there who are falling even though they were sure they never would. Because there are girls who are hurting because of their hidden sin. Because Jesus said, "Freely you have received, freely give" and I have received much forgiveness. Because if you are broken right now because of sexual sin, I want to help - I've walked that road. Because if you are contemplating sexual sin, I want to help - I've walked that road too. Don't look around your churches and see pews of people who would "never do" what you have done or are contemplating. There is someone there who has done what you have done. Probably lots of someones.

There is healing. Jesus loves you and wants to heal you. Your sin is not unforgivable. Your sin can be covered by the Blood.