A Hill to Die On

“Is that really a hill you want to die on?” It’s the question a good friend will ask when you are embroiled in a fight to the death with someone you love (maybe a spouse, child, parent, sibling, best friend, etc.) over something trivial. It’s a metaphorical way of asking, “Is this really that important to you?” We’ve all fought over things that didn’t really matter to us. We say, “It’s just the principle of the thing,” while we verbally tear down the world around us over whether or not to set the thermostat to 67 or 68 during the winter months.

I propose that these issues are hills to die on. Christian author and speaker Timothy Keller states, “All real, life-changing love is substitutionary sacrifice.” When you find yourself gridlocked over “the principle of the thing,” you find yourself with a powerful opportunity to show real love for the person with whom you’re fighting. You can choose to sacrifice yourself on that hill. These “petty” fights that escalate are, in fact, crucial hills to die on. These are the moments when your love for the other person is tested. “Wait!” you might wish to object. “Am I to understand that you want me to give up my principles and just let the other person walk all over me?! The principle of the matter is that s/he isn’t treating me in a loving way. Why on earth would I sacrifice myself on this hill??” Here are a couple of reasons.

True love covers sin.

“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” – Proverbs 10:12

“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8

A good friend used to ask me, “Stacey, can you just let love cover that?” in those moments when I was complaining about a wrong that I felt had been done toward me. It was never what I wanted to hear. With God’s help, I am slowly learning that letting love cover a transgression is the surest way to healing – both of myself and of the relationship being tried by conflict.

Jesus died on the ultimate “hill” for me.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.” – Romans 5:8-11

Whether or not Jesus died on a literal hill, the metaphor is powerful. On the hill of our pride, our depravity, and our arrogant enmity with Him, Jesus sacrificed Himself. Of all of the “battles to win,” this would have been the one. The God who made and loved us would have been perfectly justified in “winning” against us. Instead, He chose to win against sin for us, dying on that hill to extend forgiveness and justification to His enemies.

The next time you find your temper flaring and your heels digging in, ask yourself if you look like your Savior. Ask yourself what the best demonstration of love would be in that moment. Sacrifice yourself on that hill.