Christians, The Children Need You

A couple of days ago, I sat next to a friend of mine, surrounded by giggling middle and early high school girls. I instructed them to tell me the name of at least one of their role models, and to give me three reasons why they wanted to be like that person. The pencils came out, and the giggling ramped up. I heard them chatting about Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and other pop culture icons whose names I’d never heard. When it came time for them to share, I expected the silliness to continue. The ensuing conversation jolted me, and brought to the forefront of my mind some things that Christians need to know about the children among them.

1. They value noble character

I got more than I bargained for. Each girl listed multiple role models and real, concrete explanations for why. There were fathers, mothers, grandfathers, preachers and their wives, some fictional characters, and some Hollywood stars. When the reasons came, they were deep and compelling. These girls are motivated by wisdom, kindness, dedication to God, love, patience, tenacity, confidence, and a variety of other noble character traits. Take a moment sometime to listen through the giggles. They know good things when they see them.

2. They are burdened by big questions

We asked the girls about Christian living – what they want to be like as adult Christians, how they feel when they read the Bible, and what they might want to talk about in future meetings. The floodgates opened. I never in my wildest dreams for that gathering expected the candor with which we were met. It is past time for us to take our children seriously. While we look at these girls and sigh because they’re suddenly “too old” for baby dolls, they’ve shouldered the heavy burdens of doubt and guilt. They want to know whether God hears them when they pray, or if He’s really there to hear them at all. They wonder why bad things happen. They think about the origins of world religions and wonder how they will ever discern whether one is “right.” They want to know why God allows people to hurt other people. They want to know how to pray (yes, even though they’re not sure God hears them). They ask all of the same questions adults do.

3. They need you to care

Middle and early high school is hard. You remember, don’t you? The surging hormones that cause the weirdest mood swings? The constant worry about what your friends are thinking? This is the time of puppy love, first kisses, and first heartbreaks. This is a time of teeter-tottering between childish things and more mature emotions and feelings. Our little ones are growing up, and they desperately need you to know it. They need your approval. They need your attention.

So, here’s what we need to do, Christian adults. Please consider this:

1. LISTEN

No, really. Listen. Listen. LISTEN. Stop tuning out the giggles and the confusing tears. Stop rolling your eyes. Listen to the “tweens” in your congregation. They need friends who aren’t twelve, who aren’t going to berate them for being awkward. Listen to them.

2. Don’t freak out

This is so very critical. I truly believe that every human being encounters the demon of doubt somewhere along the way. If a “tween” tells you that they’re not sure they believe in God, please do not freak out. Ask questions. Offer answers. Be transparent. Be real. Do not belittle. Do not be afraid. Do not freak out. These kids value frankness and straight answers. Give them that dignity and engage in the conversation.

3. Major in majors

We really thought that our monthly meetings with the girls would involve engaging in acts of service, studying through a book of the Bible, talking about clothes, dating, and other “Christian living” kinds of things. And we’ll get there. But first – they need to know that God is real. They need to know that they can trust Him to hear them when they pray. They need to know that He has purpose in suffering, and that He loves them more than they can imagine. Only after they have these assurances and this hope will the other things truly matter to them. They want to learn how to be godly women, but first, they want to know why that matters.

4. Know what’s going on with them

Whether they seem like it our not, our “tweens” are paying attention in school, in church, and everywhere they go. If they’re studying world religions in school, they’re going to have questions – you can count on it. Sermons on pain and suffering are going to raise questions. If their dog just died, they’re going to wonder why. If their best friend’s parents get a divorce, they will wonder why. In order to catch these clues, you have to be present. It is imperative that adult Christians know what’s going on with these kids.

Parents are the front line, and I cannot stress enough the importance of putting down your phone and plugging in to your children.  Other Christian adults, even those like myself who don’t have children, have a great responsibility also. Care about the kids. Know what’s going on with them. Listen to them. Above all, love them. They’re both the present and the future. Let them know that they matter.