A couple of days ago, I sat next to a friend of
mine, surrounded by giggling middle and early high school girls. I instructed
them to tell me the name of at least one of their role models, and to give me
three reasons why they wanted to be like that person. The pencils came out, and
the giggling ramped up. I heard them chatting about Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus,
and other pop culture icons whose names I’d never heard. When it came time for
them to share, I expected the silliness to continue. The ensuing conversation
jolted me, and brought to the forefront of my mind some things that Christians
need to know about the children among them.
1. They
value noble character
I got more than I bargained for. Each
girl listed multiple role models and real, concrete explanations for why. There
were fathers, mothers, grandfathers, preachers and their wives, some fictional
characters, and some Hollywood stars. When the reasons came, they were deep and
compelling. These girls are motivated by wisdom, kindness, dedication to God,
love, patience, tenacity, confidence, and a variety of other noble character
traits. Take a moment sometime to listen through the giggles. They know good
things when they see them.
2.
They are burdened by big questions
We asked the girls about Christian
living – what they want to be like as adult Christians, how they feel when they
read the Bible, and what they might want to talk about in future meetings. The
floodgates opened. I never in my wildest dreams for that gathering expected the
candor with which we were met. It is past time for us to take our children
seriously. While we look at these girls and sigh because they’re suddenly “too
old” for baby dolls, they’ve shouldered the heavy burdens of doubt and guilt.
They want to know whether God hears them when they pray, or if He’s really
there to hear them at all. They wonder why bad things happen. They think about
the origins of world religions and wonder how they will ever discern whether
one is “right.” They want to know why God allows people to hurt other people.
They want to know how to pray (yes, even though they’re not sure God hears
them). They ask all of the same questions
adults do.
3.
They need you to care
Middle and early high school is hard. You remember, don’t you? The
surging hormones that cause the weirdest mood swings? The constant worry about
what your friends are thinking? This is the time of puppy love, first kisses,
and first heartbreaks. This is a time of teeter-tottering between childish
things and more mature emotions and feelings. Our little ones are growing up,
and they desperately need you to know it. They need your approval. They need
your attention.
So, here’s what we need to do,
Christian adults. Please consider this:
1.
LISTEN
No, really. Listen. Listen. LISTEN. Stop tuning out the
giggles and the confusing tears. Stop rolling your eyes. Listen to the “tweens”
in your congregation. They need friends who aren’t twelve, who aren’t going to
berate them for being awkward. Listen to them.
2.
Don’t freak out
This is so very critical. I truly
believe that every human being encounters the demon of doubt somewhere along
the way. If a “tween” tells you that they’re not sure they believe in God,
please do not freak out. Ask
questions. Offer answers. Be transparent. Be real. Do not belittle. Do not be
afraid. Do not freak out. These kids value frankness and straight answers. Give
them that dignity and engage in the conversation.
3.
Major in majors
We really thought that our monthly
meetings with the girls would involve engaging in acts of service, studying
through a book of the Bible, talking about clothes, dating, and other
“Christian living” kinds of things. And we’ll get there. But first – they need
to know that God is real. They need to know that they can trust Him to hear
them when they pray. They need to know that He has purpose in suffering, and
that He loves them more than they can imagine. Only after they have these assurances and this hope will the other
things truly matter to them. They want to learn how to be godly women, but
first, they want to know why that matters.
4.
Know what’s going on with them
Whether they seem like it our not, our
“tweens” are paying attention in school, in church, and everywhere they go. If
they’re studying world religions in school, they’re going to have questions –
you can count on it. Sermons on pain and suffering are going to raise
questions. If their dog just died, they’re going to wonder why. If their best
friend’s parents get a divorce, they will wonder why. In order to catch these
clues, you have to be present. It is imperative that adult Christians know
what’s going on with these kids.
Parents are the front line, and I
cannot stress enough the importance of putting down your phone and plugging in
to your children. Other Christian
adults, even those like myself who don’t have children, have a great
responsibility also. Care about the kids. Know what’s going on with them.
Listen to them. Above all, love them. They’re both the present and the future.
Let them know that they matter.
