As
everyone who follows any of my social media accounts knows, I gave birth to a
daughter in January this year. I probably over-share, but there are real
reasons for that. First, my family all live far away, so social media is
helpful for keeping them involved in my daughter’s life. Secondly, I, like many other
Millennials, value transparency. Finally, writing for an audience helps me to
process life. I organize my thoughts differently when I’m writing for an audience,
so private journals have never worked as well for me as a public forum. (And,
don’t suggest that I “pretend” that I’m writing for a public forum when I’m
journaling privately – I’ve never been good at tricking myself). This past
Sunday, I posted on my Instagram and Facebook accounts that I was hoping soon
to post about our Sunday routine and why I believe it is worth keeping even
though it is so very difficult with a baby.
My
husband and I are Christians, and it is from a Christian framework that we set
our routine on Sunday. Historically, and, I believe biblically, Sunday is a
special day for Christians. It is the day when Jesus defeated death. While the
first Christians seemed to gather together far more often than American
Christians do, it appears that the first day of the week was special to them –
and it is sometimes even referred to as the Lord’s Day. And so, on this day,
Christians around the world gather together in community to remember this
savior and to worship him together. The times and numbers of gatherings vary
from place to place and group of Christians to group of Christians, but they
happen every week on Sunday and in the USA take up somewhere between one and
three hours of time. Before my daughter was born, I really enjoyed Sunday. I enjoyed
listening and learning. I enjoyed meditating on Jesus’ life, death, and
resurrection. I enjoyed discussing doctrinal issues with other Christians.
My little girl is almost four months old now, and our gathering times interfere with her
sleep schedule. She is typically cranky on Sunday, complaining loudly every
time the room gets quiet for prayer or meditation. I spend much of the time I
used to spend in corporate worship in the nursery with her. It can be
discouraging and tiring. Why keep up our Sunday routine when our daughter
obviously dislikes it, when she disrupts others who are trying to worship, and
when I can no longer fully participate? I admit that I now struggle with the
dread of Sunday. Yet, we continue. Why?
We
believe that it is right to remember God in a special way once a week.
As
Christians, we believe that God has given us everything we have, sacrificing
more than we will ever understand because he loves us. When you believe in a
God like that, it is just plain right to give honor to him. Not only did he
sacrifice for each person; he gave us the gift of community with other
Christians – uniting us regardless of any physical difference. It is right for
us to join together in praise of this God. Every time we meet together, every
time we break the bread of Jesus’ Supper in fellowship with others, we proclaim
the importance of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection to eternal life.
We
want to include our daughter in our faith.
Recently,
someone asked me why we don’t just let our daughter choose for herself what she
will believe. I want it to be clear that we will
let her choose for herself. In fact, true Christianity demands that each person
choose for him or herself. We don’t intend to force or coerce our daughter into
our way of thinking. She is, however, part of our family. The Christian faith
is at the core of our marriage, and is therefore at the core of our family. It
is our habit to practice our faith in tangible ways which include gathering
with other Christians on Sundays. It would be a sorry state of affairs for us
to exclude our daughter from that which is important to us just to give
ourselves the illusion that she would be a blank slate by the time she’s old
enough to decide. She wouldn’t be, by the way. Children never do grow up to be blank
slates. Even if we thought it was best to eliminate Christian practice from her
growing up years in an effort to enhance her ability to choose, her mind and
habits would still be influenced by us and our values. Even if we ceased to be
Christians ourselves, we would still have parental influence over her, and our
home would provide the foundation for her worldview. That’s just what it means
to be part of a family. Christians have often been accused of brainwashing
their children. Perhaps some do, but my experience has shown me that most
Christian parents are simply doing what any other parents do – including their
children in the things that are important to them.
Our
daughter is a learning creature.
It’s
obvious every day. She watches everything I do, and eventually mimics it. She
has recently discovered her voice and is learning how to control it. She makes
new sounds daily, almost hourly. She has discovered toys and how to grasp them.
Every day, she gets better at it. When I sing to her, I almost wonder if she
tries to sing back. Whether it feels like she’s really getting anything out of
our Sunday routine or not, our daughter is learning from it. She’s too young
yet to understand why we do what we
do on Sunday, but she is gradually learning what
we do. One day, she’ll understand what “It’s time to be quiet” means.
Later, she’ll understand who Jesus is. She may not understand any of it now,
but because we continue, she will learn first to be quiet and still, then to be
respectful, and ultimately who God is and why we come.
Christian
community is not about perfect worship decorum; it’s about community.
Sunday morning worship falls during
Susan’s nap time. I try to keep her in the worship service as long as possible,
but she inevitably becomes tired – and when she gets tired, she gets loud. I
make the trek back up the aisle to the nursery in the back every Sunday at
least once. In the nursery, I meet other mothers who are doing the same thing.
Sometimes, our interaction is just knowing glances of camaraderie. Sometimes,
we converse quietly. Sometimes, we sit in the dim room and nurse our babies in
silence. And, we know that we’ll be there again the next week, and the next,
and the next, encouraging one another to keep putting one foot in front of the
other. Younger women without children often look at our full arms with longing,
and being in community with them reminds us how much we yearned for these busy
days. Older women whose children are long since gone from home offer their now
empty arms to give our full ones a break, and being in community with them
reminds us that these days will be survived.
Going
“to church” every Sunday is our habit.
Habits are important in successful
lives. I may not always think about why I need to brush my teeth in the
morning, but I always do – because I have trained myself to do so; it is my
habit. I don’t always think about all of the reasons I love my husband before
he leaves for work, but I tell him that I love him every day before he walks
out of the door – because I have always told him I loved him when he walks out
of the door; it is my habit. It is good to know and to think about the why behind what we do, but habits are
also good. Especially in times of stress and upheaval, when our minds are
preoccupied and distracted, our habits keep us grounded. As Christians, we have
developed habits in our relationship with God as well. And, in times of
busyness, stress, and distraction, those habits help to stabilize us. Days with
an infant are hard. We are constantly adjusting – there is no time for a new
normal to emerge before things are changing again. I wake in the middle of the
night to feed my daughter. There are never enough hours in the day. So many of
my routines are just on auto-pilot because I am too busy and exhausted to think
about them. My spiritual habits are important these days. Even on the Sundays
when I don’t have the mental capacity to think about all of the why, I still get myself ready, I get my
little girl ready, I pack the diaper bag, and we go to church as a family –
because that’s what we do on Sunday.
I need my habits to keep me going in these days of change and upheaval as a new
parent.
We
want our daughter to know what it is to be part of Christian community.
Christians aren’t perfect, but, let
me tell you, this community is unlike anything I’ve experienced anywhere else.
I want that for my daughter. I want her to know what it’s like to have a place
to lay her head anywhere in the world because of the bond Jesus makes among his
followers. I want her to know what it’s like to have friends to whom she can
bare her very soul in a way that I have only known with fellow believers. I
want her to see the way people handle suffering when they have the hope that
Jesus brings. I want her to know what it’s like to bow her head in tearful
prayer with a friend and feel the
closeness that comes through praying with another person. I want her to forge
friendships while serving others, because friendships formed in service are the
closest friendships in the world.
Sunday worship is only one way that
we live our faith, but it is an important way. Even though it disrupts her
naps; even though I can’t experience it the same way I used to; even though my
arms, back, and mind are weary at the end of the day – it is worth it. It
brings the blessings I’ve mentioned above, and more that I know I’ve not even
thought of yet.
