Tribute to My Mama - A Stream of Consciousness-Style Entry

Phew. Have you ever had one of those days when you get a glimmer of what your mother went through on a daily basis when you were growing up, and you think, “How did she DO that every day??” I had one of those days today. My mother and four of my younger siblings (I’ll get to how many of us there are total in a bit) are staying with me this week while they attend a three-day bible study in a small town just south of Indianapolis. This morning, I saw them out the door at nine, and my day started in full force. I started the enormous pork loin marinating for our New Year’s Eve dinner this evening. Really – it was huge. I should have taken a picture. After that, I showered, washed up what felt like a million dishes, swept the floors, and ran a couple of loads of laundry (I only own five bath towels, so I’m doing laundry every day while my family is here). My roommate arrived home for a couple of hours during that time, and helped me move the table back to the middle of the dining room so that my family could eat dinner around a table tonight. I helped her load up her jeep for a trip with her family, and then returned to the apartment to grab my purse and run to the grocery to pick up the few things I forgot during my original NYE preparation shopping trip. Upon returning, sundry cooking and cleaning chores were completed, including the peeling and chopping of something like 20 potatoes (I lost count). Right now, I’m sitting down with coffee and my computer to grab 30 minutes of writing time before my family returns for dinner.

While my day was hurrying along, I began to think about mothers who do this kind of thing every day. Now, I do believe that your every day life to you than it would be to someone who doesn’t do what you do every day, but still. And then, I started thinking about my own Mama. She began her motherhood adventure in 1985, and has been raising children full time ever since. Eleven live births and five miscarriages later, she is one of the busiest people I know. The day I just had – she does that and more every day. Oh – and she homeschools, so she does all of that while all of her kids are home.  When asked how she does it with that many kids, she replies, “Well, they came along one at a time, so you have time to adjust before the next one comes along. It’s not like I started out with eleven kids.” Even though her life runs nonstop, she never has and I don’t believe ever will belittle what is difficult for someone else. I call her sometimes to whine about my work life, and she never laughs at me. Except for when I’m being stupid, but then I deserve it.

Well, now that I’ve divulged the info that I have ten brothers and sisters, I should probably answer the inevitable questions. Questions that I got at least a million times growing up:

1) Where are you in the line up? I’m number one.

2) So, that means you helped a lot? I guess so. We all helped a lot. That’s what you do when you’re part of a large family.

3) Are you all full siblings? Yup.

4) Any multiple births? Nope. All singles. Amazing, really. I did the math once – my mother was pregnant for a grand total of nearly 13 years.

5) How many girls and boys? Three girls, eight boys.

6) EIGHT boys? Yes. Eight boys. And yes, I love having that many brothers. And yes, they are annoying sometimes, but isn’t everyone??

7) How old is the youngest? The youngest is seven years old.

8) Catholic or Mormon? Neither.

9) Are your parents done having kids? The number of people who really ask me this question is somewhat astounding. They don’t ask the people with two kids if they’re done… But, yes, they are done.

10) Do you want that many kids? Sarcastic answer that I really want to actually give someday: Well, my mother got married when she was eighteen years old and gave birth for the first time when she was nineteen years old, and had eleven live births and five miscarriages over a period of twenty-four years. I’m almost thirty, single, and definitely not pregnant. Female fertility rates drop significantly at age forty-three. You do the math. It’s a fun word problem. Completely honest, less sarcastic answer: I’d admire my mother for her choice to raise that many children, but no, I don’t plan to have that many, even if I had enough time before I’m too old.

Bottom line: I’m thankful for my mother, and I’m thankful for all that she did and continues to do in her chosen stay-at-home mom way of life.

Stay tune tomorrow for a post reflecting over 2014 and welcoming 2015.

Contentment

“…I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.” – Philippians 4:11-12

Do you ever wonder what contentment in all circumstances is supposed to look like?  Me too. Is contentment supposed to cancel out or diminish desire? Contentment is a difficult thing for all of us, I think. It’s something I’ve been reaching for with more and more difficulty lately. What is that one thing with which you struggle to be content? For me, it’s singleness. I’ll probably talk about that more than anything in this post because that’s my personal struggle, but I’ll try not to get stuck there – because contentment can come no matter your particular brand of discontent.

Let’s start with what discontentment looks like. Sometimes, descriptions of the opposite give us a better handle on the thing for which we’re striving. Often, the thing we desire isn’t bad: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22. I think that probably applies to both women and men and husbands and wives. God chose not to leave the first man alone, but fashioned a wife for him, saying, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” – Genesis 2:18.

In part, discontentment is a perversion of desire. Think about this: if the thing I desire is good – how can discontentment with my current state be bad?  I’m pretty sure the answer lies with my focus.  God says in Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.” If I delight myself in the Lord, my desires align with His. I can trust that He will choose what is best for me, and can relax in the knowing that He sees a bigger picture than I do. The Hebrew writer tells us, “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross…” – Hebrews 12:1-2. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Jesus endured horrible things – because He knew about the coming joy. So do we. God has promised joy for those who serve him. No matter my present circumstance, fixing my gaze on Jesus and the joy He promises at the end will give the strength for endurance.

Ok, so if discontentment is a perversion of desire for a good thing, and if the way to overcome that is to focus on the Lord, what does that look like?? I like practical help. And when the pain of loneliness is so crushingly strong that it feels as if my heart would burst right out of its home in my chest (because no matter your particular brand of desire – sometimes it’s just that strong), I have difficulty figuring out how to snap my focus back to where it belongs. For me, distraction is often crucial. Many of the things I’ll list below are distraction in disguise.

Phone a friend. Ask him/her about his/her day. Tell them a funny story. Let them in on your struggle and ask them to pray for you, and then tell them you need them to help distract you from the Monster Discontent that threatens your sanity. See if they’re free to go out or for you to visit for a few minutes.

Watch a movie. Single ladies – Hallmark movies and movies based on Nicholas Sparks novels don’t work here. As tempting as it is to wallow in your discontentment, if you’re choosing this mode of distraction, choose something with more depth and less gush.

Sing hymns. Even if you’re alone. The power of words of praise set to music astounds me. Sing the same hymn over and over if it’s the only one that comes to mind. Or sing several of them in a row. Singing hymns of praise often helps me to shift my focus to the glory and greatness of God and away from myself.

Clean. Yep. This one works for me too – especially if there’s some form of music in the background.

Make a meal and take it to someone. This requires time, but it gives you an opportunity to serve, and if you’re lucky, the recipient will invite you to share it with them.

Pray. Do pray for strength to overcome your discontentment. Don’t get stuck on that prayer. I’ve often been impressed with King David and the prayers he prayed recorded for us in the Psalms. Many of the lamentation style psalms end in praise. David gives his hurt to God with brutal honesty, and allows prayer to change him, to remind him of God’s greatness. Psalms 28, 31, and 69 are wonderful examples of this.

Pick a book of the Bible and read the whole thing in one sitting. This one has saved me several times, probably because it takes my focus off of myself and reminds me of the power and greatness of the God I serve.

Admit to yourself and others that you are hurting and discontent. Just do it. Don’t try to pretend that you live in that magical world of unicorns and rainbows. This life hurts sometimes. The power of confession is real, and it is freeing.

I hope these thoughts are helpful. Until next time.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas morning has arrived. In so many homes, little ones have awakened their parents with excitement, dragging them out of bed to join them in merriment beneath the magical tree. Today, I’m in my grandparents’ home, surrounded by adults, so no one did any dragging. We’ve enjoyed a quiet morning of pleasant conversation and coffee. I’m so glad I chose to come to Nebraska for Christmas. The only thing missing is my immediate family, but I know they are having fun without me (complete with being dragged out of bed by the young ones).

Yesterday, we took a visit to the Durham museum in Omaha, which used to be a bustling train station, and where the largest Christmas tree in the city resides each year.  My mother and grandparents took me to the museum many times as a child, but I haven’t been there in years. As I walked through the museum yesterday, my mind’s eye saw both the bustling train station of yesteryear, and my past self wandering through the old trains. My grandfather works as a docent there now, and he is a wonderful wealth of information. I love that.

While I’m content and happy with my family today, I know there are many whose happiness today is dimmed by the loss of a loved one. If you know someone who has suffered loss, that loss is especially hard during the holidays. Be extra thoughtful. Give them an extra hug. Love them a little bit more right now. They need that. If you are someone who has suffered that loss, my extra hug goes out to you, and you are in my thoughts.

Have a happy day, everyone. Cherish those close to you. Remember that relationships are so important – more important than careers or houses or things. Hold those people just a little tighter and seek to have happier, more loving, more fulfilled relationships over the next year. Love to all!

Resurrecting the Boring Corner

How to write that resurrecting post?? I’ve been wanting to blog again. I considered creating a whole new blog, but I decided just to clean up and revamp the old one. The last time I posted here was in 2010. My world has changed so much since then. I live in a different city, and I do different things. My circle of friends has widened. I’m a graduate student now, in the biomedical sciences. I love that, but it doesn’t have much room for creative writing. Scientific writing is, well, boring. (But please, don’t tell any scientists...) My purpose in resurrecting the blog is primarily to have a creative outlet. Mostly, I’ll be posting anecdotes from life and musings over the church, God’s Word, and the Christian lifestyle. The occasional science-y tidbit might find its way here as well. Welcome, Merry Christmas, and check back soon for updates!