Guilt into Gratitude

We’ve all been there, right? A friend, spouse, significant other, parent, sibling, or complete stranger sacrifices and serves for us. That twinge of guilt is painful. “They shouldn’t have had to do that for me. If I were more responsible, more observant, more disciplined, they wouldn’t have needed to put themselves out for me.” Maybe we haven’t all been there, and I walk this road alone, but I doubt it. When I feel that twinge, I often see two options available to me: 1) Let the guilt take over, or 2) Tell myself that I serve everyone so much, they really do owe me one. I am learning, though, that there is a third option, one that is infinitely better than either of the first two. That third option: gratitude.

Let’s face it, no matter how hard we try, we never seem to reach the level of self-sufficiency we would like. I would love to do the work of full-time ministry, full-time homemaker, and full-time scientist – all in one person, all in one day. When I can’t “do it all,” I feel like a failure. Just a few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. Well, maybe not truly an epiphany, but I realized something important: When another person serves you, it is an expression of love. Feel loved and be grateful instead of guilty. This applies to so many areas of my life:

My Marriage

In my last blog post, I wrote about my consistent feelings of failure. When my husband steps in to do something that I perceive as my job, I feel like I’ve let him down. My husband is leaving behind his job and everyone he knows to follow me to a different state later this year. That can be a source of incredible guilt for me. I don’t know what made me realize it, but I am slowly learning that my husband hurts when I hurt. This is especially true when his loving sacrifice is the thing that causes me pain. He is leaving everything behind to move with me – because he loves me just that much. He switches out the laundry without being asked – because he loves me just that much. He offers to help me with “my” household work – because he loves me just that much. When I react with guilt, I communicate to him that his love causes me pain. I don’t want to communicate that to him. Instead, I want to communicate to him that his love is precious to me. I am now choosing to say, “Thank you so much!” instead of “I feel badly that you have to do that.” Married ladies – let’s purpose to say “Thank you” to our husbands when they serve us. No more guilt – just gratitude.

My Friendships

I have received help from friends more times than I can count. Monetary help, moving help, cleaning help, emotional help. I’ve had friends make meals for my freezer during finals week. I’ve had friends run to the grocery store for me. I’ve had friends sneak into my house and clean while I was at work. I’ve dumped my emotional burden on a friend’s shoulders. When our friends lift us up like that – they are showing love. I am learning to say, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” instead of “You shouldn’t have! I feel bad!”

My Walk with Christ

 

“For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.” – Romans 5:6-11

Christ’s sacrifice is the ultimate demonstration of love. Christ died for us when we didn’t want Him to. Christ died for us while we were enemies. Christ suffered alienation from God Himself for me (Matthew 27:46).

It is right that we should feel sorrow for our sins – yes, that we should feel guilty for those things that we’ve done wrong. The Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 7:9-10:

“I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.”

There is a guilt that drives us into the arms of our Savior, that causes us to cry out for forgiveness, and that fortifies our determination to change. That is the purpose of the kind of sorrow Paul refers to. Once the sorrow has served its purpose, it should transform itself into gratitude. Crippling guilt has no place in the forgiven heart. The New Testament is full of expressions of joy and gratitude. Nearly every "introduction" to Paul’s letters is an overflow of thanksgiving for the work of Christ. The heart who has found Christ turns from pain to joy.

“I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God [o]in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” – Romans 7:21-25a

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” – Romans 8:1-2

I am determined not to allow guilt to waste the sacrifices of my husband, my friends, or my Savior. With the help of Christ in me, I will turn my guilt into gratitude every day. Will you join me in a transformed way of thinking? Will you join me in throwing off the chains of guilt and walking into the wide space of gratitude?